Bye Baby Bunny
It was very easy to bathe her then. No more scratches on my tiny hands. She didn’t rebel against the water anymore. No. She didn’t breathe anymore.
The night before, I came home very late. I found her sleeping forever. Like a child, I squatted on the floor and stared at her. Then I shook her cold and stiff yet fluffy body. No. It’s too late.
What (or who) had killed her? If I came home earlier, would I be able to curb her suffering? Despite the melancholic bereavement, I did not shed tears. What happened to my vulnerability that puts me out on a limb every time I hear innocuous pranks?
Well, petty offenses easily annoy me. Yet my callosity is calcified when it comes to a colossal loss. A victim of circumstances, I had lost so many people and things I immensely love.
I couldn’t exactly recall how much and how many have I lost. My Dad died when I was 9. During my enrolment for college, I lost my tuition fee along Magsaysay Road. I have given up jobs, friends, and career opportunities for some reasons, as I have lost cell phones, clothes, books, jeans, and jackets along the way. I do believe that things happen for a reason but until now, I still am not clear with the reasons of my losses.
It was just a rabbit this time. Yet my heartstrings are twitched. I switch from blaming my egregious insouciance for my rabbit’s death to scoffing at such a logical fallacy.
Regretful reminiscence is an ugly déjà vu I loathe. It’s easier for me to condone a person who inexorably offends me than to forgive myself for my carelessness that ruined someone or something I love.
Of course, living and non-living things alike are doomed to a cul-de-sac. Though I believe that even the minutiae of death are predetermined, I still feel guilty of not giving my rabbit the necessary attention.
Poor rabbit, I was the destined master. The culprit might have thought of euthanasia to end its sufferings from my clumsy hands. That’s the bright side.
It is sort of like a defense mechanism also to think of the things I have learned from my rabbit. Rabbits teach us a lot of lessons. How to keep silent amid stressful scenario, how to be very productive…
I would definitely have another rabbit again. By then, I would be more responsible. Losing my first pet rabbit nudges me to maturity.
Circumstances and volition contrive to hold together the crosspieces of the ladder towards maturity. Unexpected situations electrocute us to bring us back to our senses. It is then our choice to leave childhood behind.
Soldiers are not fortified by a snug sofa. Like them, I have to be fortified to protect my territory. For me to be strong, I have to be hurt…like losing my first pet rabbit.
